For the majority of my day, from the moment I start waking up till the moment I am falling asleep, I am always thinking. Lots of thoughts on a variety of subjects including work, personal goals, romance, sports, an so forth.
Sometimes, however, I experience what I call silence on the airwaves, where my brain just stops. It can happen anywhere. In the middle of playing sports, at work, while shopping, etc. My mind just stops racing. No matter how much I would like to thinking about other things, I just can’t. It doesn’t feel difficult that I can’t focus, because I’m just not motivated to focus.
This is a feeling that I commonly associate with being depressed, except it doesn’t always just happen when I’m depressed. There are times when my mind is completely empty, and yet I am perfectly content. Content to just do nothing.
Maybe that is a normal feeling, to have times when nothing is rattling around inside one’s head. But it’s not for me. And after I get over the weirdness of the feeling, I grow to enjoy it. I try a little to think about something I could normally obsess about, and when nothing happens, nothing triggers a crazy spiral of thoughts – I am happy. If the opportunity is right, and I don’t have to get my mind on track again, I just go with it for as long as it lasts.
I think it’s the sensation most people have before falling asleep. Everything just slowly winding down to drift off to dream land. Just prolonging that state of relaxed absence of thoughts. I don’t even want to fall asleep, although I am sure it would lead to a blissful rest. Instead, I just enjoy it, because I know the chaos in my mind will ultimately start up again, sooner than later.
